Upon winning his 100th consecutive game of monopoly, Herman Cain decided to run for president.
"Man, I’m a really good hider." - kid who is about to realize he has no friends.
Meeting people at the gym is difficult, no longer! Peep the latest True Love: Modern Romance in Sum. http://t.co/XZalW9xX
Apparently, when you drive a stick shift, every time you park is an emergemcy.
"I’ve been saving my spare change all my life, and I have $6348." - hugely disappointed 60 year old.
Sequins are society’s bright colors. It’s either poisonous or doesn’t taste good.
"That was a pretty rock-n-roll powerpoint presentation." - person I just stopped talking to, have unfriended on FB, & burnt all pictures of.
RT @karlhess: “alright Society, i’ll play your game…FOR NOW.” -me putting on a shirt
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"I take shits that would kill a lesser man" - drunk renaissance fair eating contest champion.
I want my bellybutton to look like sin city. #saidinactualconversation
"You make me want to be a better transvestite." - transvestite in love.
I don’t actually think anyone will break into my hotel room; I just enjoy locking the little gold chain.
Thanks, Mediterranean Buffet. I rolled down my window and now your stupid business card is stuck in my door forever.
I’m having ice cream for dinner because I’m an adult!…wait…